worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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