Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
