i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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