hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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