I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
