new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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