Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
