in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
