Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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