I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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