No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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