I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Farmville is her only friend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
