i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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