he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
