dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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