One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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