Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
