ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
