wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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