I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
MIDGETS
????
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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