yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
