that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
