we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
