Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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