I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
