she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
