i don't like sucking hair
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
