Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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