im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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