There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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