2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
