I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's the barista slut.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
