i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
