His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The power of my boobs compel you
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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