Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm too high and old for this...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
