dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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