My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
