I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
