Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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