there was a trapeze. enough said
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
