Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
