You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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