i just wanna soil my oats bro
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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