Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
