I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
