By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
