I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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