if you like me you must not know who I am
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
