i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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