Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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