I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
