ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
