just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
