I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
