three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
