dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
