everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
