I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
