i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
