that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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