I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
