i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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