I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
