Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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